If you didn’t get a chance to attend my workshop last Saturday, you missed a great morning! The SunWater Spa was a gorgeous location to enjoy the scenic Manitou Springs hills from the glass studio. The workshop was divided into two parts. In the first hour, we talked about the three steps of the Law of Attraction – Appreciation, Mastering Your Thoughts and Feelings and Ask, Believe and Receive. In the second part we talked about the three barriers to LOA – not sure what you want, not sure how to get what you want, not feeling worthy of what you want.
Worthiness. By far this was the biggest ‘Aha’ moment in the workshop and some attendees shared that it is an overt feeling and others say it is a subtle emotion when they notice their reaction to how being worthy interacts with asking for their desires. Every once in a while, the ‘poor little deaf girl syndrome’ wells up inside me and usually come out of nowhere, some unconscious place that someone or something triggers. Tears form in my eyes and I have to remind myself to be kind and good to myself, that the bullying memories from all those decades ago has resurfaced but that I don’t need to be embarrassed about it or feel not good enough because I don’t hear as well as some other people. You may noticed a reflex in yourself when asked, “Are you worthy of what you really want in life?”
What’s the definition of worthiness?
– good and deserving respect, praise, or attention
– having enough good qualities to be considered important, useful, etc.
Nice – we fit that description! No really. You and I are inherently good and we enjoy doing nice things for people. Being of service is inborn and we don’t wake up in the morning saying, “Today, I’m going to be a jerk, just cause!” Our basic decency sometimes gets convoluted with our egos or fears but every single person is special and worthy in their own right.
Everyone has done things they aren’t proud of. Everyone feels inadequate or weakness in some area of their life. It’s just the human condition and being a part of our comparison-ridden culture doesn’t help. Our worthiness is often learned from our well-meaning family and in school you are always trying to pass their tests and get the approval of friends. And if you tried to be an Individual rather than follow everyone else, well, the adults, teachers and other kids made sure you were chastised. If we don’t meet others expectations in our personal or professional lives, we could lose a job or a relationship. So, we go along and usually end up at some point in our lives feeling inauthentic and confused about our own uniqueness, strengths and purpose. There are consequences when we are always looking outside of ourselves in order to feel worthy but many of us do this by default based on how we were raised.
Brene Brown, author of Rising Strong, explains that if we do not claim worthiness inside our story, we end up hustling for worthiness on the outside of our story – who we are and what we believe becomes secondary to who do you want me to be and what do you want me to believe. She goes on to say that we all play Shame’s universal tapes – “Never good enough” and “Who do you think you are?” Brown shares three universal truths about shame: 1) We all have it, 2) We’re all afraid to talk about it, and 3) The less we talk about it, the more we have it.
I so appreciate what Nanice Ellis, Contributing Writer for Wake Up World, says about being worthy, “Did you know that virtually every emotional wound is intertwined with issues of worthiness? In fact, feelings of unworthiness keep us from creating the lives we most desire. In order to heal our emotional wounds and consciously create, we must conquer our fears of unworthiness. The real problem lies in the impossibility of proving worth, because you cannot prove worth. As you release the search for conditional worth and you embrace your birthright of unconditional worth, you naturally realign with a higher frequency of worthiness; a knowing grows inside you that shows you that we are all intrinsically perfect and worthy beings. As you discover yourself, and everyone else, to be unconditionally worthy, life as you once knew it, is transformed before your eyes, and you are free to live your life as it was meant to be.”
Everything in your life is tied to how worthy you feel. Start telling yourself daily that you are just like everyone else: that you are good at some things, not so good at others, that you have value because you are patented, and that you do not need to continue this cycle of proving you are worthy. What one person deems worthy is worthless to someone else! Stop that merry-go-round and instead make a claim that you are worthy to yourself unconditionally. You are allowed to make mistakes – everyone does! You are allowed to fail and start again. I’m giving you permission to be courageous and start being yourself without judgment. Get in the habit of writing down characteristics you like about yourself and things you are grateful for about your own personality and talents.
I was so scared of what people would think when I started teaching LOA. I was even afraid to tell my husband whom I am very close to. But I wanted to be my authentic self, once and for all. Why was someone else’s opinion more important than mine? I wouldn’t expect someone else to think my opinion meant more than theirs. Stop expecting perfection from yourself and be good to yourself with your inner talk. Replace negative thoughts with, “I am so happy and grateful that I know and feel my own personal self-worth.” It took a few months of saying this affirmative statement but I started to notice that after a while I really didn’t care about what other people thought of me. Not because of arrogance but because of letting go about external judgments. Tara Mohr, author of Playing Big, says we need to unhook from external praise or criticism. Wow, I got that because I have always suffered from the, “I need to be liked” affliction. But after letting go of the need to having every single person I come across think highly of me, it lost its power over me and I was liberated. My life was changed! I was free to create my company and by sharing my innate worthiness, others are finding theirs as well. Remember to release others from your approval – they will be so grateful even if it goes unsaid.